When you have kids. You, with out a doubt will will be faced with discussing uncomfortable things. From poop and masturbation. To why someone ended up in jail, or how come uncle Bryan is so good looking.
We are the ones who care. Its parents that teach kids not to use certain words. Who teach them self censorship. To make things worse we often don’t spend the same amount of energy on teaching when it is, or why it is OK at times, to speak uncensored. Kids by default don’t care “Mom are transvestites gay?”. Most of you learned this the hard way. When your child blurts out something in public that makes you cringe “Daddy says, you don’t pay your bills”. Kids just don’t get it. We like to say “You cant say that here.” or “Just ignore her. I don’t know where she gets this stuff”, “SSShhhh!”. Or worse we scold them without teaching the lesson. But here is the bad news.
The kids are right, and we are wrong. We need to allow ourselves to get outside our comfort zone. And we need to do this for several reasons. The first reason and probably the most important. They (the kids) need to know. And not because they are going to be bad with money or Transvestites. But because if we don’t teach them, they are sure to use the limited information out of context, in less than ideal settings. Worse case scenario, not say the really important things. Its incumbent on us, to teach them. How can we expect them to approach an issue. If the words they need to articulate the issue are forbidden? What they really need (and some of us)
- Know your audience
- Know your words
- That words outside our comfort zone, are important to use at times.
More specific to the direction of this blog. Saying things, Saying the uncomfortable things, Is something I believe we need to embrace. Even more specifically is the need for special need parents to not feel uncomfortable bringing up issues like hygiene, escapism, self harm, and probably one of the most important. Predators. I don’t think I have had a Dg (Daddy’s girl) school meeting where I have not brought the topic up. It is not by any stretch of the imagination something I want to talk about.
I am not going to assume, they (the school) know this is a potential issue. I refuse to accept the typical controls that are written in the School handbook. I want them to really understand. To understand that this is one of the things that keeps parents up at night. Keeps me up at night. They have to understand that my non verbal child is a prime target. I want them to have clear understandings of why. They need to know that being non verbal. Means she is an easy target. And that a predator will know that. With even a casual encounter. I need them to know that statistically she is in the highest risk category. And because of this I demand some considerations. It is unacceptable for her to be in contact with anyone who has not been vested with the school or us. It is unacceptable for her to be alone with people who are not in the trusted inner circle. This is not to say that she shouldn’t interact with people outside that circle or even people unknown to us that have a cause to be in contact with her. Just that they are not, for any reason, to be alone. Or for that matter blind trust should not given to even those who are vested, or appear to be in our circle. Every meeting I bring this up. Every caregiver knows my speech.
Last year Chloe’s teacher sent a note, and called to say. Dg had been saying “Tallywacker” at school. People reading this blog understand it was likely a perversion of the word Gillywacker. But her teacher was not (at the time) aware of that. Back on my soap box for second: This is where we can take even the most uncomfortable of things and have some fun. So I didn’t start out the conversation explaining Gillywacker. I began asking who would use that word? How I was a little surprised she (Ms Taylor) being young and all. Would recognize the dark side of “Tallywacker”. Some of this I did just because I really enjoy saying the word Tallywacker. Its also fun giving Ms Taylor “the business”. Much of it was to let her know when we talk about these things. We are not walking into a deep dark place. We are doing what we should be doing, talking about it. And it was not not a sin in our eyes to share a little laugh about this kind of stuff from time to time. I believe we should create an environment where it’s not difficult to talk about these things.
For me it wasn’t enough to clear things up. I want to establish a foundation where everyone would feel comfortable talking about uncomfortable things. I also wanted to make clear how much Ms Taylor’s actions really meant to me. For a parent with a child who is also a target. It’s simply huge to know her caregivers are not only doing their job as professionals. But keeping their heads up and looking out for my daughter as people. Huge, Huge, Huge. Because like any reasonable parent. I worry when I am not in a physical position to protect.
At times I innocently enough, create situations. And feel obligated to share a “heads up” with Dg’s teacher. There were two instances this week. As I mentioned before DG really enjoys a few of Pop songs. During a play session she begins repeating the chorus of “I know you want it”. I was like “Jeeeeeeeez DG!”. Then later in the week we were playing the Gillywacker game. For those who dont know “GillyWacker”, it goes like this.
- Head thinker
- Eyes seeier
- Nose smeller
- Mouth eater
- Chin chopper (building anticipation)
- Gillywacker!!!!!!!!!!! and a crazy wild tickle.
Well I had gotten bored with the standard script. So I decided to improvise a little. I used “Ear flappers”, and “Feet stompers” ect, for example. A couple of days later Dg was telling her short word jokes then, “Butt Smeller!” she screams and giggles. In my defence Dg mispronounced the word I had use. It was of course “Butt smellyier” (Thats a real word right?) So yes, I sent Ms Taylor a note that said she should expect “I know you want it!” and “Butt smeller!” Just to sure make she wouldn’t be to shocked.
And for my newly loyal readers. Its probably safe to say. You can expect more uncomfortable words from me.
And a note to any potential Predators:
It is us, hunting you. We are not passively looking. We are actively looking. We know how to protect the ones we love. Any action by you. Will be perceived as hostile and as such will handled in a way that makes “Shock and Awe” look like a child’s game. You have been warned.